In Fear & Faith live
Two years ago, about a year after I’d really started getting into music, all the bands I listened to seemed to have so much more meaning to every aspect of their music. It could be that after three years and about 250 shows I’ve created some sort of immunity to the emotions music (especially live) makes me feel. Something about the whole experience of a show or an album coming out felt so different, so much grander. The same thing that made me feel so alive is now making me question every part of my life.
There are a handful of bands that started it all for me. Bands that made me feel truly alive for the first time ever. Bands that helped me realize and understand spirituality. A huge part of me misses the days (so long ago) when I didn’t know so much about musician’s personal lives. When I could still view them as whatever kind of person I wanted them to be in my heart. The days when I thought being in a “Christian band” actually meant you were a Christian and actually meant you were trying to spread the word of Jesus to everyone you met. I never expected any person to be perfect, I just wanted them to be…really, really badly. Now some of the people that gave me my first look into a relationship with God and worship through music are the same people that I feel disgrace the Lord by simply giving themselves that title.
It seems to me that because a band’s lyrics seem like they’re pointing us fans in the direction of Christianity or that the lyrics could be associated with God we automatically assume that these are words to live by and every member is a person of faith and therefore someone to look up to. From personal experience of befriending such bands, I see so clearly that that is not the case. I’m not saying that they aren’t still good people but I am saying that lyrics are not a direct reflection of everyone in the band.
“This Is Your Way Out,” Emarosa’s EP from 2007, was an album that helped me grow closer to God. The lyrics aren’t completely obviously Christian but considering the band had one or two Christian members (including their front man) it was easy for me to interpret them that way. I confessed to the person that wrote these lyrics that he helped open my eyes and heart to the Lord. He told me that that was his goal when writing and playing music – to bring young people closer to God and Christianity. A year and a half later, I found out that the same person was spreading entirely factious lies about me that were really hurtful. He’s now the screamer in a different “Christian band” but looking back, I have never witnessed this guy doing one Christian-like thing in the 2 years I’ve known him. This is one personal experience that has led me to ponder: where did all the inspirational musicians go?
How far a musician is willing to go for his band is in direct relation to his pure, uncorrupted passion for music. This passion for music is going to tbe the exact thing that inspires true music lovers (like myself) to do and be exactly what they want to be. I have surely noticed that many musician’s individuality in music genre, lifestyle, religion, mindset, and the way they dress/look has led so many people to explore their own individuality. This is inspiration. This is why I love music. Because when I was a fresh 17, that was exactly what I needed. I felt accepted at shows. I felt like it was ok that I was eccentric and weird because I was in an environment where everyone was feeling the same emotion, the same passion I felt. Now going to shows doesn’t feel as much like a community but more like a competition. I don’t feel like bands are trying to inspire anymore nor do I feel like the “fans” attending shows want to be inspired.
I want to feel uninhibited at a show like I did when I was 17 or 18. When all that mattered was feeling the euphoria live music brought upon me. I didn’t have any drama with others attending the show, or somebody’s girlfriend, or other “band girls,” or the band members themselves. I would be down right lying if I said it was still all about the music; for myself or anyone else. This scene is missing the substance it had when I first discovered it.
I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t any musicians that don’t still inspire me. I get inspired all the time by the people I’m around. every time a band is stoked about their new album and thinks it is the most incredible thing they’ve ever created (whether it is or not) I admire them greatly. If someone isn’t pumped on their own music, no one else is going to be. every time a friend (or stranger) talks to me about their new music in that overly excited, kid in a candy store tone I feel like it’s a pep talk and I get excited for something I know nothing about! Some of my favorite times are when a friend is recording or just got the final mixes for their new record. That is when I see the true passion for what they do.
A slightly unlikely but totally inspiring band for me is In Fear and Faith. Admittedly, they are not one of my favorite bands but every single time I see them, I am reminded why I love music, why I’m passionate about it. They bring back that sense of “community,” that sense of family at a show. That’s how music should make you feel, like you’re apart of a family whether you know the bands or not. To be honest, morally and ethically In Fear and Faith are not the most life changing people I’ve encountered. They aren’t Christian, they drink (a lot =]), they smoke cigarettes, they hook-up….and they tour more than anyone else I know. I’ve seen them extremely tired on tour but never once have I ever felt like those guys didn’t want to be there playing a show. They love their job. They love getting on stage and playing for kids and for that 30 minute set I really feel apart of something so much bigger than simply my enjoyment of their music. Offstage, they all are some of the most real people I know. No acting like something they aren’t, no sugar coating anything, no bullshit. This leads me to ask: why, as fans, do we bullshit ourselves?
Do u remember what it was like to go see a band you love to death and not give a fuck what you looked like while singing along to every word or if it was “uncool” to be in the front row or middle of the pit, sweaty and jumping around uncontrollably? Not caring for a second what the people around you thought because while that band was playing you felt more alive than at any other time in you life! I am not that carefree anymore but I can remember how amazing it was. I walked away from every show looking like pure hell but feeling happier than I ever had at any time in my life. Now I worry about what I look like at a show. Not necessarily my outfit or hairdo or make-up choices but I worry about how much emotion I show while watching bands.
When I become friends with a band I suddenly become much more self-conscious about them knowing just how big of a fan I am. I start wondering if they see me as a fan…or more as a friend that likes their music. I worry about how dumb I look 2-stepping and screaming every word. I worry about looking a certain way to the people I’ve hooked-up with. In reality, I really don’t want to give a fuck about these things. I just want to express myself during their set without any judgment. So, why am I bullshitting myself at shows to try to look “cool” or keep a certain “image”? Isn’t my connection with music what really matters?
I suppose my arguement on inspirational music could swing either way. I do think a lot about music, bands, and shows these days is really shallow and is on its way to a downward spiral if we aren’t careful. At the same time, musicians find little ways to inspire me every single day. It sometimes comes from the most random people and in completely unexpected ways but its still inspiration all the same. When it comes down to it, I just don’t want to see fans or bands get caught up in anything besides the music.
Screw the scene. Screw moshing. Screw wearing band merch to be trendy. Screw egos. Screw bragging rights. Screw image. Screw status.
Just do it for the music 
